Thursday, September 22, 2011

Don't make me go all Alien...

via 

Hot flashes.


Need I say more?


Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I have been dealing with these suckers since my very early thirties.  Surgically induced change of life solved many problems and ushered in now over a decade of new issues.  


Yesterday, I finally got my rear in gear and got back to running.  I have missed it.  The feeling is wonderful...after the first little bit when multiple expletives course through my brain.  I had been fairly consistent and dedicated to my plan and then, don't know what happened, but let's blame it on cake and "pop rock knees" that reared their ugly heads and convinced me that the knees would feel better if they were allowed to rest and were fed cake by way of my mouth.  This lack of exercise has settled most uncomfortably in parts of me that I wish would go away.  


To add insult to injury, when I got back from running yesterday, Facebook slammed me via My Horoscope and made derogatory comments insinuating that I am fat.  That made me a little hot under the collar...on top of the full blown exercise sweat on top of the atomic bomb level hot flash sweat.


Yeah, I know, they make all sorts of meds to combat this issue.  Been there, done that and frankly given my family history, I don't want to taunt the happy fun ball.  Natural remedies...same story...tried and no luck.  


At this point, I am convinced that, really, it is not the hormonal changes that make us cranky and forgetful and emotional.  It is plain old vanilla flavored EXHAUSTION.  Ask any "professional" and they will agree that exhaustion can lead to a whole host of other problems.  Common sense, huh...obviously if every time you drift off to sleep and then wake up in a full on shower soaking sweat and then think you might as well get up to pee, but then you are thirsty from being hot so you drink a glass of water, then lay back down, but OMG who turned the air soooo cold give me all the blankets NOW, then five minutes later you have rinsed and repeated the whole scenario again and this happens so many times through the night you lose count...convoluted mess of a sentence later you get the picture and it is one HOT MESS!


Today, I had a brilliant idea.  Scientists wake up and listen!  Your challenge, whether you choose to accept or not (I recommend accepting) is to figure out a way to channel the obvious kinetic power of hot flashes to boost my metabolism and/or generate enough electricity to power a personal fan!  What brought about this brilliant train of thought?  Late this afternoon, after multiple bouts of drenching, I realized that the frequency and intensity of these "flashes" were increasing in such a manner that I am quite sure it is very likely that I am about to give birth to something Alien-style.  

My husband might just be a little bit afraid.

2 comments:

  1. Lovely, I'm so looking forward to that. Ummmm...good luck with all of that. Please have all this figured out so I can come to you for advice when I go through it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha! Life is so unfair. We get hot flashes and the guys get Viagra. My fitness obsessed husband insists that my hot flashes will go away if I started running. Let me know if that's true.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...