Friday, March 2, 2012

"Nice butt flap"


The darling little Simple Skirt has turned ugly on me.  Whenever there are complications from the get go with my execution of a pattern, I should realize that it is very likely not going to end well.

This skirt has been no exception.

First there was the mobius-esque incident.

Then there was the mind numbing stockinette complete with the always helpful directions of spreading the increases out evenly across the row.  My math skills are questionable on a good day, so suffice it to say there were several frogging tries and maybe a couple of "to heck with it, I'm just going to <insert one of the following:  k2tog or M1> as needed to fix the row stitch count.  My knitting buddies refer to this as the Dina-fix...much along the lines of my pattern interpretation of making Smediums.

For awhile it looked like a loin cloth. Then it grew the butt flap during the second half construction.

Finally, all seamed up, woven in, elastic inserted and...

Well, **%&^$&$(%&*%.  Maybe if I just wash it and throw it in the dryer (yes frustration renders you stupid about the fact that it was machine washable/dryer safe yarn) it will firm up a bit.

I wore the thing on Monday.  Next problem, ladies pay attention when your husband is brutally honest and says that the skirt really doesn't do anything for him and it looks sorta plain.  Now, granted, I wanted a plain and simple skirt and was going for the look of the tweedy yarn to be the purty part to coordinate with tights and boots.

By the end of the day...

I kid you not...

I COULD WRAP IT AROUND ME TWICE!  Yes the gauge was correct, yes I made the "correct" size, yes to all the other obvious questions.

So now, it goes to the frogging pile and a frantic phone call has been made to the yarn store to see if they have maybe a couple more skeins (ratfarts, they still have the color but the lot number is different...going to check under xray super power light vision to see if maybe I can get away with two different lot numbers) in order to make something else.  I have 4 skeins (only used 3 and a smidge for the hell-skirt) and although I have done my due diligence in searching for a sweater pattern with what I have, nothing has turned up on my radar.

In other typical me news...anyone have any suggestions on how to get a pregnant friend to not have her baby in the next three weeks because some knitter fool realized said friend was pregnant for the last 8+ months but has been suffering from out of control Crafty ADD and just started the extra special gift which requires said knitter to use lace weight alpaca yarn to do 33 repeats of an 8 row lace pattern before ever getting to the super detailed and pointy lace border? 



  1. OH MY GOSH Why are there no pictures!!!
    I am cracking up (at your misfortune. gawd i'm rude) but of course hope that you manage to procure more yarn and make something less ill-fated.

    As for the pregnant friend....I can offer you only luck. What you could do is knit a really quick gift (like a hat?) for before/when the baby arrives and then keep working on the special gift and present it late. When I had my son, I was flooded with gifts, but by the time he was a month or so it was kind of old news. I would have appreciated a nice card or gift at that time, when I was all PPD and sleep deprived. Just a thought.

    1. Pics...arrggghhh um, no. LOL, Is it not enough to admit this sad tale??

  2. Seriously woman, you cannot use the phrase "it grew a butt-flap" in describing one of your projects and then offer no photographic evidence. It's kind of killing me. As an aside, I'm sorry your project sucked. Some of them just do. Hope you can move on to something else that's way more satisfying soon.

    1. "it grew a butt flap" is exactly why there is no visual proof! lol

  3. I'm absolutely feeling your pain right now... with a sock. But I must agree... photos are required in this situation. ;-)

    1. I'm going to sincerely request imagination be used in place of photos. It was sad, very very sad.

  4. Freakin hilarious.
    sorry, but it is.
    get your friend to keep her legs crossed.

    I feel your pain tho. I know exactly what you mean about ADD crafting ;)

  5. Drats.....the skirt sounds like a nightmare. I'm sure your friend will understand if her "extra special gift" is a little late.

  6. Hmm. Why is this post like Greek to me? Maybe because I don't sew one lick.

  7. I am trying not to laugh but...I wish I could see a photo of the skirt growing. I had a hat like that once (fortunately, it was able to felt smaller) Can you sew the skirt into a blanket? Re purpose the "fabric"

    Good luck getting the baby gift done/started/completed.

  8. Man, it bites when projects go wrong. Hopefully you'll have a better outcome with your next project. Have a great weekend!

  9. This was a hilarious read... wish there was proof of the carnage. I hate when a project goes bad. Here's to the next one being way better!



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